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Returning to Myself

March 12, 2018

 

(smeared) lipstick and liner: Vinyl set by Morphe

Shadow: Creation and Aura from the Venus Palette by Lime Crime

Sparkle: Kitten Karma by Stila

Liner: NYX Slide-On Waterproof liner in Golden Bronze

Mascara: Better Than Sex in Black by TooFaced

 

Deep in my feels today, even though it’s beautiful and sunny outside. Yesterday, I spent the morning and afternoon with some of the most incredible women of my life at Fat Brunch. I was surrounded by other brilliant, big-bodied babes as we talked about issues specific to our own bodies and how the world receives us. Also… fashion. Hella fashion talk. But still, mostly our day to day lives. I needed to be surrounded by that strength and beauty.

 

Today, I’m bummed that I am pissing the feminine-of-center Moon ceremony put on by the incredible Mystical Sister, but I’m feeling my own moon’s symptoms tugging at me a bit today and also the emotional overwhelm and need to process all of the wonderful feelings and emotions experienced yesterday. You see, I never realized that I am actually an introvert until a couple of years ago. I had always seen myself as an extrovert, but I did not realize that my deeply social tendencies were fueled by substances, allowing me to mitigate my deep social anxiety and charge into things head first like the Aries that I am.

 

I spent a lot of my younger years showboating and not really liking *me* at my core. Because of my dislike of myself and my great need for love and validation, I hated being alone. I surrounded myself constantly with other people, other stories, and other sensations be it alcohol, sex, food or just the high of being liked and entertaining folks. Now that I am older, less dependent on substances, and more in sync with who I am and what I need, I have a much greater understanding of my motivations in life and who I really want to surround myself with. I am so grateful for all of those who have held and supported me through the years, staying at my side as a friend while we all figured ourselves out, helping wind one another back up when we would inevitably unravel at times.

 

Thank you. I love you. You know who you are.

 

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